Author Topic: Mizuki Yukimura - Edited  (Read 41 times)

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Mizuki Yukimura

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Mizuki Yukimura - Edited
« on: Today at 06:15 am »
First and Last Name: Mizuki Yukimura

Bloodline: Pure blood
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Bright blue (wears black contact lens)
General Build: Petite
Height: Average

Birthplace: South East England
Brief Childhood History:
A young child was left on the doorstep of the house belonging to a Japanese couple residing in South East England. Nothing was known of her origin nor that of her biological parents except a letter bearing her name, that is to be opened the day she turn eleven. That was how her story was told to others and to the child herself – an abandoned baby with a letter.

Yukimura Mizuki, a child with queer bright blue eyes that doesn't fit with her obvious Asian facial features. Just like the oddity of her iris color, she was also the odd ball in her neighborhood. There weren't many Asian, what more Japanese people where she grew up. Thus, a Japanese kid would appear to be synonymous to that of an alien among the children there. This led her to be any bully's target. 

Just when growing up was hard, her strict and protective adoptive parents were making it harder. Mizuki had always felt as if they were hiding a big secret. When winter approaches, she will be cooped up in her room like a hibernating bear. Watching the other children playing happily under the harmless, gentle snow. Christmas and presents weren't even much of a consolation. She just desires the falling snow. Every night, at the first sound of her adoptive parents' snore, she would escape into the snowy night for that short moment of freedom.

She never knew what one winter's day would bring her.

For all the years of her life, she had been harboring under the impression that her parents abandoned her because she was a nuisance, an unwanted child. She never knew that her parents especially her mother had to make the hardest decision in giving away her only child. Born in secrecy in a foreign land far away from home. She never knew that the ones she have been calling all this while as her father and mother were in actuality, her servants.


Strengths (Including Personality and Academic):
The bully's punchbag, Mizuki absolutely despises any form of bullying. Those torturous years had made her cunning and agile. This was an necessary skill in light of her much smaller frame compare to the other children. Her strong determination (or stubbornness) is also the key to her survival and adaptability through all the trials and loneliness.
She would most likely excel in classes that are more practical than theoretical in nature such as Care of Magical Creatures and Defense Against The Dark Arts.

Weaknesses (Including Personality and Academic): Accident prone is what her best muggle friend always say. It was a nicer of putting that she was a magnet for trouble. Her determination is also one of the factors supplying those troubles. Being the type of person who is more hands on, she is absolutely terrible or should I say lazy in terms of subject that require much reading such as History of Magic and she can never understand Divination.

What House You Feel Your Character Belongs In and Why: Hufflepuff because she is one stubborn walking accident prone girl who despises bullying to the end of the world and is a loyal friend.
« Last Edit: Today at 10:33 am by Mizuki Yukimura »

Jayce

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Re: Mizuki Yukimura
« Reply #1 on: Today at 09:07 am »
Hi there! Welcome to HPRPG!

Unfortunately before you can be sorted, there are a few things that need to be edited.

I am going to have to ask you to change Mizuki's birthplace. Your history actually doesn't explain at all why she would be accepted to Hogwarts and to be honest, there is no way you can convince us that she would be when she had been born in Japan; Japan has its own magical school after all.

I understand you clearly have something planned for Mizuki that involves the fact that she has blue eyes and has a fear of winter, but please know that we have a pretty strict policy when it comes to special abilities. You have to apply for it later on and the staff is very thorough and critical when reading applications. These two qualities might just be hints to her real heritage though rather than characteristics for some other special ability, so if that's the case, you can ignore this. :lol:

Overall, it'd be great if you could go back and fix all the grammatical errors as well as the awkward sentence structures. The sheet was a little hard to read at some points because the wording was confusing.

Once you've done that, change the title from 'pending' to 'edited'!

On a final note, the model you are currently using to portray Mizuki is too young. ;)

Mizuki Yukimura

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Re: Mizuki Yukimura - Edited
« Reply #2 on: Today at 10:42 am »
Sorry. I was composing this in a hurry and half asleep (is still sleepy) so that will explain the mess XD
As for her eyes and the significance of snow, it can't really be categorize as special abilities. Although it will play a significant role somewhere in the (very) far future and it is a hint to her heritage. If it still needs editing do tell me ^^

The model is so cute  :D